


never sometimes, often always

by jihwannaone (hongpikachu)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Onghwan, because i am onghwan deprived thus i make my own content to cry at, very minor to nonexistent 2hyun dont be fooled, very subtle hints of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 23:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14122884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/jihwannaone
Summary: one-word prompt drabbles that gives us a peek of ong seongwoo and kim jaehwan's relationship





	never sometimes, often always

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to everyone who suggested these words to me on twitter!!

**sometimes**

 

_ Summer, 2016 _

 

“ _Maybe okay will be our always._ ”

 

Seongwoo visibly grimaces at the television screen, absentmindedly playing with Jaehwan’s hair while the latter rests on his chest, already attempting to fight back tears in the middle of the movie they’re watching.

 

“It’s torture for the one who’d live in the end. Everytime they hear the word okay they’d only get hurt to remember the one who passed away.”

 

It was all characteristic of Seongwoo to be the realist of the two, who is now busy chomping down on popcorn to battle against the sleepiness washing over him.

 

“Seongwoo… If I disappear first in your life, can you promise me that you’d only remember me sometimes?”

 

Jaehwan purses his lips and glances at Seongwoo, momentarily ignoring the movie playing on the screen. Being mortified to say was an understatement, wiping his tears away with his palms while turning back to the television the moment he noticed Seongwoo looking at him as if he grew a second head.

 

“Sorry, I kinda got carried away by the mov—”

 

“Yeah.”

 

This time it was Jaehwan’s turn to look at Seongwoo as if he grew another head.

 

“I promise, silly. You should promise me too.” Because really, who was Seongwoo to deny when the other pulls off that smile that makes his knees wobbly and heart soften.

 

“Of course!”

 

 

**coffee**

_ Spring, 2014 _

Seongwoo can feel the stares on him and the paper bag on his desk. Whoever decided that classes at seven in the morning would be a good idea needs to be cursed. He was groggy and his shoulders sore all thanks to his heavy bag. There was the faint scent of coffee and cheese as he takes out the bag’s contents.

 

On the cup of coffee was a handwritten note and the dance majors in the classroom cheered for Seongwoo, who’s now wide awake with red ears.

 

_Payback for helping me with the band performance yesterday, among other things. Don’t skip breakfast. You seem like the type who would. – Kim Jaehwan from the Music Department_

The latte was too bitter for his liking, as he was never the type to drink coffee, but he thinks it was bearable. It was, after all, a treat from the cute music major. He can’t afford to give it to someone else.

 

Even if it meant landing in the infirmary after his fit of palpitations.

 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Damn it, I should have gotten a decaf to be sure.”

 

“It’s alright, I—”

 

“No, I need to at least do something to make it up to you. I don’t want to live with the guilt forever.”

 

“Then go on a date with me this weekend.”

 

\--

 

_ Winter, 2019 _

 

Even until today, Jaehwan still orders two lattes every after his shift at work ends out of habit. He takes the caffeinated one for himself, and the decaf sits to grow cold on the kitchen table, only to remember that nobody else would drink it anymore. And he repeats that habit every twice or thrice a week, still hoping that one day Seongwoo walks back in and tells him he’s home, ready to drink the coffee his lover saved for him.

 

 

**stars**

_ Summer, 2015 _

__

“Geez, you drink too much.” Seongwoo groans while dragging a half-asleep Jaehwan on his shoulders, all giggly and giddy with his arm linked around the former’s waist for support. The only sounds heard in the neighborhood were their footsteps, small grunts and occasional giggles here and there, and the rustling of the plastic bag in Seongwoo’s hand.

 

The seat on the swing set gets a tad colder than they could remember, a way of nature telling them that summer’s almost fading. But that doesn’t stop them from munching on their popsicles while getting lost in their thoughts. Luckily Jaehwan was stable enough to swing back and forth without falling on his back.

 

“You know, mister…” Jaehwan spoke mindlessly, words in a slur with giggles in between. “I have a boyfriend, a very handsome and cool and nice boyfriend. His name’s Seongwoo and he’s the best dancer that I’ve ever seen. Plus, he plays the drums well, and he can act, and he has the best sense of humor. He’s perfect.” Seongwoo just smiles as if he’s already heard this before, but he hasn’t, and if he was flustered then he shows it well.

 

Jaehwan’s gaze was fixed on the clear sky above, dusted with a good view of the stars and the bright half-moon shining above them. “My parents would probably yell at me when they find out, but I guess I can deal with that when it comes.” He continues to ramble on, head feeling fuzzy and eyelids almost closing shut. “I want to marry Ong Seongwoo under the stars like this… I want us to stay together forever. But don’t tell him, mister! This is our secret.”

 

“Let’s go. Your boyfriend must be looking for you now.”

 

Seongwoo carries an already sleeping Jaehwan on his back, which wasn’t too hard because the younger was of a smaller built, and their apartment not too far away from the park.

 

 

The next day Jaehwan wakes up to a killer headache, some aspirin, a cup of instant noodles, and a glass of water all on his desk with a note.

 

“ _Eat the noodles before drinking the medicine. – Your cool and handsome future husband.”_

 

**strawberry**

_ Autumn, 2015 _

“I call dibs!” Seongwoo says with a grin, his fork already poking on the strawberry on top of Jaehwan’s slice. The creases on the younger’s forehead become more evident and before he can already hold back, he slams his fork on the table and shoots a glare at the other, who bit the strawberry in half.

 

In his defense, Seongwoo didn’t expect his boyfriend to be that pressed over a small piece of food. Before he can speak, the slamming of the bedroom door was loud and strong enough to have the small wall clock hung on the wall sway lazily.

 

“Jaehwan? I’m sorry— “

 

“Go away.”

 

-

 

At five in the afternoon, Jaehwan jumps at the sight of Seongwoo falling asleep in front of the door of their bedroom, right next to him a box with one whole strawberry shortcake.

 

“Hey, Seongwoo?” Jaehwan shakes the figure in front of him, not sure on how to correct his sleeping position. Eventually, the former stirs awake, although still groggy and face all puffy. “Do you want to share this with me?”

 

In that moment, Jaehwan saw his world light up when Seongwoo flashed a sleepy and cheeky smile.

 

And that was how the couple resolved their first fight.

 

\--

 

_ Spring, 2019 _

 

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday to you_

_Our beloved Jaehwannie_

_Happy birthday to you!_

In all honesty, Jaehwan didn’t expect such a grand surprise for his birthday from his friends. There were different plates of noodles and boxes of pizza and chicken, as well as bottles of cola and cider.

 

“Make a wish and blow out the candles.” His bandmates cheer and tell him, holding the cake near his face.

 

He shows them a smile that never quite really reached his cheeks. “You guys, you know I’m too old to believe stuff like that.” All he heard were sounds of laughter and protests, and who was he to say no when they made this much effort for him. So, he closes his eyes, staying in silence for a while before blowing out the candles.

 

 _My wish could never come true anyway,_ he thinks as a tear falls on one of the strawberries on the pastry.

 

 

**warm**

_ Winter, 2017 _

“I hate the winter.”

“You hate the winter, I know.”

 

They said in unison, Jaehwan bringing Seongwoo a mug of hot chocolate with large colored marshmallows that are slowly dissolving on the hot beverage. The steam and scent makes the older sigh, both mitten-covered palms splayed on the surface of the mug, holding onto it carefully.

 

“Do you want to watch an action movie? How about a historical drama?” Jaehwan asks, already setting up the laptop in front of them, browsing through the countless files of movies and series while the other busies himself by taking small sips from the warm mug.

 

 

Five (or fifteen) minutes into some bad movie parody flick, the mug half-filled with chocolate sits to cool on the desk, their shirts scattered on the floor and pants halfway down on their thighs. Time seemed to come to a stop, only to flow again when their lips break connection.

 

Underneath Seongwoo was his lover looking shy with an endearing pink blush dusted on his cheeks and chest, and even redder spots trailed on the base of his neck and small areas of his chest. None of them would have imagined doing this in the winter, of all seasons, but both of them would agree that this was warmer than five layers of quilts above them.

 

“You’re perfect.”

 

They both blurt in unison after a couple seconds of silence, and in between the air of hot arousal was something that gave them warmth better than any sweater did. Their laughter bubbled up to their chest, and it would be how small doses of sparkling confetti would be if it could be a sound.

 

“I love you.”

 

It starts off as a whisper, as a spark, reducing into a murmur of a forest fire within them.

Love, to them (and as cliché and cheesy it could be), was the warmth that gets them through the winter.

“I don’t think I hate winters anymore.” Jaehwan recalls the whisper he’s heard, their laughter blending into harmony once more before falling into slumber.  

 

**kismet**

_ Spring, 2014 _

 

 “Guys…”

 

Everyone in the waiting room turned to Jaehwan, whose face turned as pale as a ghost. The negativity and dread was like a ripple effect, spreading around the room and making the tension higher amongst themselves.

 

“Minki said he couldn’t make it today.”

 

The first to gasp was the foxed-eyed keyboardist, whose usually delicate fingers pressed too hard on the keys once the news broke. After Minhyun’s small musical outburst didn’t take long for the rest of the band members to cause a small commotion amongst themselves. They had half an hour before the stage and they probably would make it without a drummer but the time was too short to rearrange into something acoustic.

 

Sewoon, a freshman, takes a peek at the set on stage, then spoke up when everyone’s voices were finally low enough.

 

“There are drums on stage, so what if we just find someone who can do drums and hope they can follow our rhythm?”

 

The rest of the band members are skeptical, but either way they know that their performance would turn into a total disaster without a drummer, so they just agreed to the younger’s suggestion. However, the hardest part is finding someone who can actually play drums and not have performed in the earlier acts.

 

“You!” Jaehwan almost shouts when a person stepped inside the waiting room, face clueless like a deer caught in headlights.

 

“Do you know how to play the drums?”

 

Said man points to himself, mouth agape in shock, before nodding slowly to an answer. The rest of the band members look at him expectantly and he gulps, knowing that he’s gonna be involved in something.

 

“What’s your name?” Jaehwan continues to interrogate.

 

“S-Seongwoo. Ong Seongwoo. Not Hong, Not Gong—”

 

“Okay! Welcome to the band, Seongwoo.”

 

He breaks into a small smile when the wooden sticks are chucked in his hand.

 

\--

 

_ Winter, 2018 _

“Why did you get inside the band’s prep room that day, by the way?” Jaehwan asks with the straw settled between his lips to take small sips of his milkshake. Seongwoo was halfway through chewing a burger, gulping down before he answers.

 

“I was told to get a senior from the dance club’s wallet because his clumsy butt left it in the waiting room. The next thing I knew, you guys called me and I was on stage performing with you.”

 

Both of them laugh at the memory, their laughter making the atmosphere of the diner even warmer than it would have been during winter.

 

“It was as if you were at the right place at the right time. I think it was fate that we met there.”

 

“I think the mistake of sending you coffee was fate too.”

 

“But the effort of thinking about it was yours. I guess things work out when you work hard and fate is also on your side.”

 

 

The air outside was cold and at this time at night, most of the shops in the area are starting to close. However, the street lights don’t make the nights scarier and darker. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” Seongwoo kicks a small rock on the alley and the sound of it skidding ahead seems to be louder than usual.

 

Their breaths come in small puffs of smoke, to which Jaehwan stares at before giving his reply. “Yeah, I do. I take my boyfriend out on Valentine’s Day, seeing as he doesn’t hate the winter as much now.” Their laughter was the only sound their world could hear that when the hurried footsteps draw nearer, the world seemed to move too fast to their liking.

 

Men in suits hid behind the shadows of tall buildings, but Jaehwan pretends not to see them because his gut feeling screams at him not to. He catches sight of the man running past them, donning ripped clothing and it seemed like he was also bleeding at the side.

 

Damp warmth can be felt on his padding and he looks at Seongwoo’s almost lifeless eyes, body still clinging onto the younger, the strength of his arms diminishing with each second. “A-are you okay?” It came more of half a whisper and half a gurgle, and that was when Jaehwan’s vision starts to blur with his tears.

 

“Idiot, why are you asking me that. Hang in there, I’ll call an ambulance.”

 

“I love you.”

 

 

At midnight outside the emergency room, Jaehwan wonders what could have happened if the left the diner earlier or later, or if they took a different route back home, or if they walked on the other side of the street.

 

“Was it fate, or was it our effort?” His own whisper dissolves in the quiet air, for the only consolation he had was holding on to fate that things would turn out for the better.

 

But maybe fate also had other plans to bring Seongwoo to the stars.

**galaxy**

_ Summer, 2018 _

Half a year has passed and Jaehwan has spent his months alone in the apartment, assuring his parents that he’d be fine (although he technically isn’t, he’d rather not let his misery rub off on his parents). The band members visit him once in a while when work doesn’t get in the way.

 

But these people came to visit, had other homes to return to. He only had Seongwoo.

 

However, he doesn’t expect the entire gang to appear on his doorstep on this particular summer and kidnap him in the van. Dusk was approaching and he still has no idea where they’re headed. Jonghyun, their substitute keyboardist whenever Minhyun wasn’t around, took the duty of driving while Minhyun (who is now Jonghyun’s boyfriend) called shotgun and played some EDM to liven up the night.

 

Minki the drummer fell asleep on the farthest back, body splayed on the long seat while the rest of them were in the middle. Sewoon did his best to engage Jaehwan in a conversation, catching up on the moments they missed. Youngmin and Donghyun (bassist and violinist respectively) also tried to give their own anecdotes, and for the first time in a while, Jaehwan laughed until his stomach hurt and tears formed on his eyes.

 

 

 

The air smelled like meat and sea salt, carried over to the next hut by the breeze. Dongho, the vocalist before Jaehwan came along, already arrived ahead and set up the tent and prepared the food. Soon enough plates were being filled and bottles of alcohol on the table were being emptied one by one. Their laughter resonates along with the crashing of the waves.

 

“Hyung. They say people you love that disappear turn into stars. Do you think it’s true?” Sewoon was probably at the fine line between being tipsy and fully drunk, slurring his words yet still conscious of his actions. Jaehwan can’t help but look at the clear sky and the sparkling dots that scatter above him on the dark canvas.

 

“If that’s so, then I hope Seongwoo is a star in this galaxy.” His sight was fixed on a faint twinkling star on a large wide row. “I don’t want him to go far away.”

 

“They say the constellation of Virgo shines the brightest at May. You were born on May, right?” Jonghyun spoke with an obvious gleam in his eyes. After all, he was the one who enjoyed astronomy more than anyone else in the group did. Jaehwan could only nod, trying to take in everything.

 

“Jaehwan-ah, blow the candles and make a wish, since he can’t do it now.” And in front of him was Youngmin holding up a choco-strawberry cake with a single candle. Written on the surface in bright blue frosting the words “Happy Birthday Seongwoo. Please watch over us.”

 

“I wish… I wish that you’re happy and safe up there.”

 

 

That night he slept under the blanket of stars, the comfort of knowing that Seongwoo was up there watching him all this time.

 

 

**always**

_ Autumn, 2022 _

 

“ _Maybe okay will be our always._ ”

 

The quote stops Jaehwan in his tracks and he turns to the direction of the television. Movie channels are somehow showing sad classics for the sentimental autumn season. The remote stays untouched on the kitchen counter for a while as he watches the movie again, this time on his own.

 

_“Can you promise me that you’d only remember me sometimes?”_

Out of the blue, the words haunt him. He looks back to the past years without Seongwoo to see if he really did fulfill his end of the promise.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that I’ve been thinking of you. Always. Even until today.”

 

His gaze turns to Seongwoo’s picture on a frame sitting on top of one of the drawers on the living room. The boy whose smile shone four years ago still looks dazzling in the present.

 

When Seongwoo smiles at him like the sun shines at their world only, he knows that the sole promise they made is the only promise worth breaking.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know if i really did justice, i wanted it to be separate prompts but the people who gave me suggestions somehow unconsciously formed a possible storyline
> 
> i hope you enjoyed it, feel free to scream at my face about onghwan (because i've been whipped for them for the past few weeks)


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